Weird title, I know….but that’s just how I’m feelin’ on this extremely cold evening.  Today’s been an emotional roller coaster from the very beginning.  I really just need sleep, but sleep is something that’s easy to put on the back burner these days.  Today’s thrilling ride started when I went to pick up Jaden from his class at church this morning.  He goes to said class while we’re in church/choir and small group.  Apparently, he had done something (I’m still not sure what because I was met at the door by his teacher who just let out a big, long story, and in the rush of things, I kinda heard Charlie Brown’s teacher talking, as Jaden ran to me, of course, still sobbing….).

First, let me get one thing straight.  My kids are not perfect; in fact, they can be downright bratty.  I will tell you that, not afraid to say it, not afraid to admit it.  It’s just a fact of life.  However, I was NOT happy to hear that Jaden had been sitting in a sort of time out for most of that second classtime (still not sure how long, I just know it was a very long time) because he wouldn’t apologize???  We still have yet to find out the whole story.

Secondly, he is 3.  I am working with him consistently on saying he’s sorry when he does something, and he’s learning.  He still doesn’t quite understand all the way, though.  I just don’t get it….if he was being that bad, why did they not come to get us?  That’s what we are there for….that’s what we want them to do if he’s acting up….we are his parents, after all.  In fact, Dan was working with the littles close by this morning and could have easily been there in a flash.  Apparently, they’ve also been letting Jaden go potty (we aren’t potty training yet because he hasn’t been ready), and he, of course, takes his diaper off and runs out to let them know he went.  This was news to us this morning when Dan dropped him off.  His teacher wasn’t happy, but if he still wears a diaper….hmmm….LOL.

So, both before and after, we had news about our child….we felt like parents of the year, of course….and I’m writing this mostly to get it out.  It’s so hard being a parent, isn’t it?   I just kindly thanked his teacher, as I tried to get him together and deal with picking him up, so I never even had the chance to truly find out what exactly happened today.  However, I will find out, and maybe it’s not a big deal.  Maybe it’s another area we need to work with him on.  I can see this post is becoming just pure rambling, so maybe I should stop….it’s the lack of sleep talking.:)

I guess I’m just trying to say….if you’re feeling like things are spiraling out of control, they probably are.  You’re not alone, though.  If you feel like mother of the year right now….well, join my ranks.:):)  This week, my one goal as a parent is to try to be even more consistent with discipline, plus get to the bottom of exactly what happened in his class.  I am frustrated, mostly at myself, but also with my child and a teensy bit with his teacher.  Probably more so with myself, though, because I’ve noticed that Jaden’s becoming more and more unruly lately….it’s as if he skipped the terrible twos and went straight into the horrible threes.  He’s the type of child that when he does something he shouldn’t, he really needs an adult to get down on eye level and make him look you in the eye, so that he “gets it.”  He needs that extra one on one time, that attention.  He’s so different from Jacob; Jacob, all we ever had to do was give him the evil eye, and he was instantly apologetic and in tears. LOL  He’s still that way.

I will remember, though, that as moms, we are going through this together.  Not only that, but while in small group this morning, I was encouraged to truly pray for my children; it was a gentle reminder to do something I’ve really not been doing consistently.  My mom also reminded me tonight that even though it’s hard right now….it will pay off, and it will be rewarding later on.  I can’t see it yet, Mom, but I do believe you.  You raised four of us; I think I can safely trust your word.:)  I don’t know how you got through all those years with us….:)

Here’s to a great week, Mamas….persevere.

There I was back in the parking lot of my son’s Tae Kwon Do….sitting in the driver’s seat of my green Honda, bawling my eyes out.  My toddler sat in the back seat, strapped in his carseat, knowing that he was in trouble.Flash back in time by about 15 minutes, and I was heading into the grocery store, ready to make my zooming trip around the aisles, 40 minutes to spare before I had to be back in time to pick Jacob up.  As we entered the grocery store, not even getting in the door, the screaming fit started.  I don’t put up with screaming fits at home….but right there in the middle of everything, what could I do?  I tried everything, but Jaden only wanted the tiny customer’s shopping cart that (gasp) Daddy had introduced him to the week before.  (Thank you, Daddy….we love you).  He wasn’t giving in.  I could barely lift him up to try and put him into the child seat of the huge cart, once I got him in the store.  I finally got him in the seat, but he was adamantly refusing to put his feet through the holes, still crying, still carrying on, and me trying to hush him the whole time, wanting to glare at those who were staring at us as if we’d just fallen from the sky or something.  We got all the way to the lettuce, and that was when I realized either he was going to fall out of the cart and bust his head open (because he wouldn’t sit down), or I was going to have to leave the store, grocery shopping undone for yet another week.

The thing is he wanted to leave the store….so this made him happy, as I picked him up, carried him out, and walked to my car (all the while fuming inside).  I felt so defeated, as if he had won.  Leaving the store was the best thing I could have done, though, because he needed to be removed from the situation.  Yes, he was glad to leave….but ultimately, he didn’t get what he wanted.  I fumed all the way back to Tae Kwon Do, and then as we sat, waiting for Jacob, the tears just started coming.  It had been a long week; crying when you have a head/chest cold is just not fun.  And of course I had no tissues whatsoever….so I sat there snorting and sniffing and crying and telling Jaden that he was going to sit there in his seat and not play with anything….I even took his shoes away when he tried to take them off and play with them.  LOL

Finally, my heart calmed….I was able to text a friend and vent it to her….another mommy, one who gets it.  Yes, I could have prayed about it, and I probably did…I can’t remember between all my blubbering.  However, I do know that having that one mommy friend I could reach out to was like a band-aid to the heart.  Plus, in the long run, the positive I carried away with me from this situation was that I didn’t give in.

Have you ever felt defeated?  I will tell you one thing about those times when you feel as if you’ve been defeated or trampled….having another mommy to reach out to is such a blessing.  You begin to see beyond yourself, beyond your circumstances.  Don’t be defeated….these times are only little arrows that Satan tries to throw in our path, so we’ll get sidetracked and miss the even bigger picture.  Don’t miss that bigger picture by living with a defeated mindset/heartset.

Mr. Jaden just came up to me after watching out the window, and he was trying to tell me something.  To my ears it sounded like, “Hockapoo…one hockapoo.”  LOL

Finally, after really listening and rearranging it in my brain, I realized, “Oh!  Helicopter?”

Jaden: “Yeah!  One hockapoo!”  LOL

I love when little babes are learning to put their words together.

“Public school is child abuse!”

Yeah, that got me fired up too, even though I’m a homeschool mom.  I’m signed up for a local homeschool group’s Yahoo group here in Missouri, and I read that on one of the messages that came through.  The person actually had it on their signature that goes out with every message.  I was not impressed.  What are your thoughts when you read that phrase?

See, we are a homeschool family, and sure, we hold certain values and beliefs that influenced our decision definitely….but never that public school is even remotely close to child abuse.  For Dan and I, we believe that decisions regarding schooling your own children are just that….your decisions.  Every family has to make that personal decision for themselves, and they shouldn’t have to worry about being judged for whatever decision they end up with.  We chose homeschool because, for one thing, it gave us more time with our boys to give them more of a foundation here at home.  We are able to insert our values and beliefs into the curriculum that we use, so that they can hopefully form a strong foundation.  Another reason was that the school district that we lived in at that time was not the best; a lot of the kids that came out of that school ended up not being able to read (Jacob was already struggling with reading enough as it was), and there was just such a huge drug problem.  We were afraid that the quality of his education wouldn’t be what we could give him at home.  We didn’t want his already growing problems with reading to become a factor. (Now he reads anything in sight.)

Are our kids perfect, and are we perfect for homeschooling?  Absolutely NOT!  We made the personal choice as a family, and noone, NOONE, has the right to judge our decision.  Just as noone has the right to judge our decision if someday Jacob ends up wanting to attend public school, and we feel that it’s a good move.

I do not agree with the phrase above, and honestly, I get so tired of the negative flak that opinions like that give the homeschooling community.  We are not all judgmental, know it all people.  I’m not trying to be rude here, but as Jesus pointed out, when we see the speck in our brother’s eye, maybe we should also look to see the beam that is in our own (Matthew 7:3).

Am I proud to be a homeschool mom?  You betcha!  Do I judge you for sending your kids to school?  Absolutely not!

What are your thoughts on this topic?